You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
