drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
