Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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