Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
