just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
