Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
