Don't you send me to vm
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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