what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
