Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Everclear isn't food dammit
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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