It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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