btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
