I accidentally had phone sex last night
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
