The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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