they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
