Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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