Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize