Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
