Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
