What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drake has all the answers
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
