Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
