That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
