some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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