Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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