Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
