i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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