My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
