don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There are leaves in my underwear?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize