May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
