Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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