arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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