What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
