The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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