thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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