You just made me feel so damn special
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
