Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
