the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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