god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
