that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize