I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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