Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
