why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
