at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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