So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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