She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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