i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
