im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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