But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
