Barsexuality is the new black.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
These tits shall not be calmed
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