I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
