I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize