he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
