An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
