my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
