Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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