i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
