Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
