you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
