Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
