I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
