Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
