i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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