You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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