Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
