Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
