it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
