Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
