I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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