I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize