Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
