so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Welp...herpes.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
